Friday, June 29, 2012

Divorce, Debate and Poverty Surveys in the Catholic Republic of the Philippines



Breaking News: Katy Holmes and Tom Cruise are in the process of calling it quits after five years of marriage.



Rumor has it that Katy grew sick and tired of not being able to wear stilettos! Bianca Manalo and John Pratts as well as Venus Raj and Andrei Felix should be seriously thinking if they will tie the knot or suffer the same fate!

On the same issue, a friend commented that Tom Cruise has the same religion as that of John Travolta and by virtue of association that makes Tom a closet gay.

Katy is Tom’s third wife. If this inference is correct then Rustom Padilla is a better ‘man’- never committing the same error twice.

By the same yardstick, Piolo Pascual is the most noble. Always the boyfriend never the groom.





Now back to regular programming:

 The Catholic Republic of the Philippines remains to be the only country in the world disallowing divorce.

The irony of it all is the fact that majority of our legislators are either those who availed separation (by legal aka annulment proceedings or extra-legal methods aka ‘sustento method’) or those who are known to have multiple ‘partners’ apart from their declared official wives.




Enter dream sequence:

In the not so distant future at the house of representatives, a Partylist Congresswoman authored the Divorce Bill. The bill is about to be put on vote for it to be endorsed to the Senate. 

A debate among members of the congress is ongoing:

Deputy House Speaker: The honorable congressman from Sarangani will now outline his opposition to the proposed Divorce Bill.


Manny: Good morning madlang people! You kno, according to Matthew 19:6, ‘what God has put together let no man put as… asu…. asunder!’

(Thunderous claps from the plenary)

Manny:  ibig pong sabihin pag pinagsama ng Panginoon, hindi pwedeng paghiwalayin ng tao. Tutol po tayo sa Divorce Bill. This is a move from the divel (devil) you kno. Tenk yo!

Deputy House Speaker: The honorable congressman from Samar will now interpolate the congressman from Sarangani.

(Enter the King Of Talk- Boy Abunda!)

Boy: Magandang Umaga, Manny!

Manny: Good Morning Titu (Tito)!

Boy: Puso sa puso Manny, nagtaksil ka ba kay Jinkee?

Manny: You kno, I’m a man of God now Titu (Tito) Buy (Boy).

Boy: That does not answer the question Manny. Yes or No, naging kayo ba ni Ara at ni Krista?

Manny: I seek my right against self incrimination! Mr.Speaker the question is imm.. immaterial, imper… impertinent and ano nga yon? Alam ko to eh, napanood ko sa Impeachment… Irr… irrelevant!

(Thunderous applause from the audience)

Boy: Ilalabas ko ang mahiwagang salamin Manny. Totoo ba na muntikan kang hiwalayan ni Jinkee nang malaman niyang may anak ka sa ibang babae?

(Long Pause. Enter slow music: Sometimes When We Tats)

Manny: Kaya nga po against ako sa divorce! Wala pang nanalong Presidenti na divorced!

BOOM! (End of dream sequence)

Post Script: It was said that after watching the session Chiz Escudero reunited with his wife, Bong Revilla loved Lani Mercado more and Jejomar Binay hugged Elinita Binay tight.


Back To Reality. A recent SWS survey shows that the number of Filipinos who consider themselves ‘poor’ diminished. 




The poverty perception survey came in perfect time when PNOY’s speech writer was on the process of drafting the SONA.

So far, what’s written in the list of achievements are the following:

(1)   Dating Grace Lee
(2)   Hold departure list against GMA
(4)   Selling his Porsche and
(5)   Advancing several levels in DOTA and in DIABLO

One of the main contentions against GMA’s claims on the improvement of economy (during her SONAs) is that alleviation of poverty should not only be expressed in GNP, GDP and Inflation. It has to be felt by the population.

The survey, although highly subjective if done properly would somehow validate the claims of an economy that is starting to get into shape but the timing and the intention is questionable given the fact that SONA is near and nothing really changed after the Chief Justice has been expelled from the office.

If you think about it these are the same survey firms who released opinion polls during the Impeachment Trial, the same ones who provided popularity ratings during the last presidential elections.

And yes, the same data points used by the geniuses behind the ‘daang matuwid’ campaign tag line.

In a country where public opinion is shaped largely by the media, surveys can elect a president, impeach a chief justice and convince someone that he is no longer hungry or indigent.

I therefore conclude that in the Catholic Republic of the Philippines, the only country in the world where divorce is not an option and poverty is a matter of perception – SURVEYS ARE THE OPIUM OF THE PEOPLE.




Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Teleserye Cliches and Election Blues

In the Philippines, it’s hard to miss the fact that an election is just around the corner.

At the very least, it starts with road repairs sprouting like mushrooms all around the metro, present at almost every 200 meters. You won't and can't ignore them because of two things:

(1)   The extra large signage with the picture of your favorite politician - smiling - claiming the project.

(2)   The unbearable traffic and inconvenience that it causes you everyday.

Almost as certain as election gimmicks are the typical plot of a 'Philippine Telenovela'. They are almost, always identical that sometimes it's hard to tell which is politics and which is entertainment. Let us count the ways!

A typical Philippine telenovela pilots by retelling the childhood story of the protagonist. Sometimes, the kid who played the part is just so adorable and charming that you wish that it would just end there.

Of course when the protagonist grows up all the charm and innocence is lost. She starts doing stupid things, welcoming verbal and physical abuse, crying almost everyday, denouncing her family members even friends- all in the name of love.

In Philippine Politics, such is also the case. You vote for a promising candidate. Politician wins first term seeks for re-election and ends up a TRAPO.




A typical Pinoy Teleserye would always feature a rich, handsome and kind male protagonist.

The perfect male falls for the simple but very pretty girl with humble beginnings and the fairest white skin to boot! 


Sometimes, you can’t help but wonder how on earth can flawless skin be achieved given that the girl has to work under the sun with the harshest of all conditions in the slums?

But a powerful love team is a potent ingredient to a successful show and so is the case during elections. 


You see politicians parade their 'official first lady' and project an image that they are the faithful husbands.

They sing during campaign period to the delight and cheers of the crowd and some even went to the extent of staging a marriage to seek Malacanang. Only it backfired. 


Hello there Mar and Korina!

photo by inquirer.net

Don’t you ever wonder why in almost all teleseryes the character of the female protagonist is always determined by the kind of hair she wears? 


The bida would always have that long straight black hair (shinampoo lang!) while the ‘kontrabida’ would always sport the curly, wavy hairstyle.


Reminds you of a proverbial joke when you were a kid: 'kapag kulot salot!'

The ‘tuwid’ and ‘kulot’ dichotomy was marketed very well in the last election leading people to believe that all those in the tuwid na daan campaign have halos and wings and are heaven sent and those on the other side are crooked as hell.

The Yellow Army paints this contrast very well until you start connecting the dots and learn that Liberal members are the same Arroyo monkeys who now opted to shift trees.

Photo from goodmorningclass.wordpress.com


Of course there is this ‘walang kamatayang’ plot about switched identities after birth or the ever popular story of a bida seeking for their lost parents.

If Mar Roxas and Manny Villar were given a choice, they might have just declared themselves the long lost sons of Ninoy and Cory. After all, an Aquino surname is a passport to Malacanang.

photo from antipinoy.com

You can’t possibly miss the rags-to-riches plot of almost all teleserye bida. 


In Philippine politics it is roughly translated as from 'millionaires-to-billionaires'.

Then there’s this kidnapping scene usually staged in a warehouse or big vacant lots. Which signals two things, either the series is about to end or the writers just don’t have the time to write.

But why complain about the predictability of kidnapping scenes when every election in ARMM you have ballot snatching that happens in broad daylight? 


Brownout is so 1992! Ampatuans are so 2010. That person who can hack the PCOS machines might just be included in next year's Forbes List.



Finally you could always be certain that a Philippine Teleserye would conclude with a happy ending, the bida, though severely drenched in blood after episodes of ‘habulan’ and ‘barilan’, would end up being alive. 


He/She would be reunited with the loved ones and the theme song (which is also the teleserye title) would be played dramatically in the background.

And so are the tales of all political dynasties in the country. 


Sure some members of the family might be accused (at some instances proven) to be guilty of crime or corruption or a scandal but somehow another member of the family gets elected. Either wife, or son or daughter or sibling. 


It’s always the happy ending for the Estradas, the Aquinos, the Macapagals and Marcoses, the Binays of this country.



In a land where teleserye and politics comingle that they become indistinguishable I salute the intelligent men and women of GenSan in rejecting Manny Pacquiao a congressional seat. 


Apparently, the same cannot be said for the Kapampangans and the Tarlaquenos.





TWISTED LOGIC 101:


- Kung Walang Corrupt Walang Mahirap
- Si Manny Villar Ang Tunay Na Mahirap


Therefore, Kung Walang Corrupt Walang Manny Villar!



Saturday, June 23, 2012

Year 2052: The Future of Philippines, Vice Ganda and Bimby Aquino Yap


The year is 2052. Forty years away from the Philippines that we know today.

Vice Ganda will be declared as National Artist by then President Bimby Aquino Yap (who was elected after her mother Kris Aquino died due to cancer of the mouth).

Praybet Benjamin joins 'Himala' and 'Manila Sa Kuko ng Liwanag' as the greatest Filipino movie of all time.



Lito Lapid enacted a law that requires all senate inquiries to be conducted via powerpont presentation otherwise known as ‘Picha Pie Bill’.

The nominees for the Chief Justice of the Philippines enter the Big Brother house. The public scrutinize their every move based on the 24/7 surveillance camera and from there decide who is best to interpret the highest law of the land- the constitution- via text votes.

This, they say is the ultimate heritage of the 'daang matuwid' campaign promise. The marriage of media, publicity and transparency.

After seven successive Chief Justice replacements, the Republic of the Philippines remains to be a third-world country.


GMA has been declined for burial at the Libingan Ng Mga Bayani. The Macapagal family decided to preserve her remains at their ancestral house in Pampanga and open it to the public ala museum.  

In it you would see the legendary ‘Hello Garci cassette tape’ and the infamous ‘wheelchair’ which they say has been passed down from Garciliano to Corona and yes even to Bradley!

image courtesy of reklamador.com

For the first time in Philippine history no boxer joined the Olympics to represent the country. Each of them opted to be signed by Top Rank Promotions to fight in Las Vegas instead.

The congress enacted a law to have two remote (offshore) sessions every year to be conducted in Las Vegas, that way- it’s business as usual. The session is titled: 'this is where your taxes go'.


Mommy Dionesia who just turned 110 years old faints after watching the Buzz which exposed that his son Manny now rivals former Senator Revilla Sr. in the number of offspring produced.

Manny is currently at 73 the record to beat is 87. Birth certificates would be required by Guinness suppose they apply for worldwide recognition.

After her separation with Manny, Jinky has put up a museum of all the Hermes, LV and Birkin bags she accumulated all through out the years.

People visiting the place mistake it for a wax museum after they saw Jinky and Belo standing stationary inside the venue.




A law has been enacted to officially declare Rizal as the National Hero. The same law also will officially confer the title National Boxer to Pacquiao and SM Malls as the new National Park.

Claudine Baretto now runs a famous fitness gym for boxing and asian martial arts. She ran as partylist representative pushing for the betterment of Cebu Pacific services and giving justice to those who have been aggrieved and victimized by lost baggage.


Sharon Cuneta has been canonized as the third Filipino saint by Vatican for her contributions in spreading the word of God through bible verse on twitter. She has been named Patron Saint of Palengke.


Philippines remains to be the only country in the world not allowing divorce thanks to the Catholic Church who has been so firmly stubborn in consistently lobbying against the RH Bill which has been pending for 4 decades now.

Their next target: to ban the 35th edition of PBB Teens sponsored by Alimbambang, Sogo Hotel and Victoria Court. 



Thursday, June 21, 2012

It's More Fun In The Philippines: EDSA Edition


The Guinness Book Of World Records has just declared EDSA to be the world’s biggest parking lot!

Borrowing the famous line of one of Willie Revillame's dancer: 'Congraaaatulations!'



Even if you were just born yesterday, you’ll know that EDSA is the traffic capital of the Philippines.

According to latest estimates around 2 million vehicles ‘go through’ this 24 kilometer road everyday stretching from Pasay to Quezon City.

The 2 million-vehicle count could have been higher if only public buses would take the initiative to move every 60 seconds and not stay stationary for 30 minutes until the bus is full. 

And they say that jeepneys are the king of the road in the Philippines?  How about giving a monicker to the buses in EDSA as the ‘Evil Queen’ or alternatively the ‘Bitchy, Spoiled Stepsister’?

And then you have taxi drivers justifying a fixed rate from point A to B just because it is traffic.

Come Christmas time when everyone is out shopping they would use every opportunity not only to jump up the price of the fare but make sure that you feel so 'kawawa' by denying you multiple times all because the route to your destination entails braving through some serious traffic situation. Talk about one of the 7 deadly sins personified! Hello there Greed!



EDSA, apart from being the major road in the metro has also been abused as an excuse by employees who have been habitually late.

If only EDSA can take the role of Vilma Santos in ‘Bata, Bata, Paano ka Ginawa?’ it would shout ‘wala akong ginagawang masama!’

To which commuters would echo Carlo Aquino’s sentiments: ‘akala mo lang wala pero meron! meron! meron!’ (slap in the face to follow!)



Some conservative groups together with publicity hungry politicians, not so long ago condemned billboards which they think contains explicit contents that are not appropriate for the saintly Filipino population. 

But here's the deal:

(1) If I want to watch porn, I won't do it in EDSA, particularly in Guadalupe area. I'd rather have it at the comforts of my room.

(2) I don't see why wearing briefs is porn and wearing bra, panties or two piece swimsuit is not!

(3) I will give a standing ovation to the first politician who would enact a law classifying political ads as  pornographic in nature which would eventually pave the way for them to be banned in the major streets of the metro. 



A recent study points out to the business revenue that is lost because of the poor traffic condition in the Philippines. The reverse is the case for the Big 3 Oil companies – Shell, Petron and Chevron. The worse the traffic condition is the more dollars they rake in.

Speaking of making revenue out of traffic, did you know that there are 31 malls spread through out EDSA? The fun part would have to be the 3 days mega sale that they would simultaneously launch over the weekend and yes, people would actually be in 100% support and flood the area. 

Screw traffic! They just want some air-conditioning and a number of good finds!



Forbes recently crowned Henry Sy the richest man in the Philippines with a total asset of $9.1 billion. 

SM has just changed its mission and vision statement to include the phrase ‘our goal is to put up at least one SM mall in every known barangay in the Philippines and provide a place where the mass can have free-air-conditioning during the hotter days of the year.’

Earning us another worldwide acclaim- the country obsessed with malls.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Kimmy Dora, Sequels and Movie Viewing Ethics 101

(Rappler.com published a 'sanitized' version- click here)

By now every regular moviegoer must have memorized the ‘Jose and Wally’ anti-piracy skit being shown before every movie in almost every theatre.

That campaign would have been more effective had PNOY, the head of the daang matuwid campaign, removed his kabarilan, kaklase and kaibigan Ronald Llamas the day he was reported shopping for pirated DVD at a mall in QC.

But those who are with the ‘tuwid na daan’ are infallible and that remains to be the case so long as you attend the shooting range sessions every weekend and you curse the previous administration for everything and anything that is happening in the country.  

Now back to regular programming.

There is a constant reminder before a movie is shown to ‘switch off all mobile devices and turn it into silent mode’, I hope that in the future it also includes the phrase ‘please shut your mouth and refrain from discussing the movie, the actors and what would happen next if you happen to have watched it already or read the book where it was adapted.’



Movie Viewing Ethics 101 should also include a clause that would specifically state: ’If you happen to bring a kid that you can’t control and the kid screams at a certain decibel affecting the moviegoers you would be evicted from the theatre and is not eligible for a ticket refund’.

That same clause should be integrated in the guidelines for Basic Parenting 101.


Now to Kimmy Dora and The Temple of Kiyeme



There are many reasons why the second installment of Kimmy Dora is much anticipated. The most compelling of them is its predecessor which created waves of laughter and attention and made a lot of money when it was shown catapulting Eugene Domingo into full-blown stardom.

But the sequel received lukewarm reaction both from reviewers and ordinary moviegoers. To be completely generous, crisp laughter and applause were like rain showers in Kimmy Dora 2 compared to the thunderous claps and mirth enjoyed by the first Kimmy Dora like storm.

There is no need to critique the film, a movie like Kimmy Dora does NOT require an eloquent plot, in fact this is where I think it went kaput.

By introducing a slightly complicated plot- it lost its charm. Instead of riding into waves of well-constructed situations where Uge can completely wow us with her magic, the latest installment chose to give us a back-story, some flashes of foreign sceneries and a dust of scare factor here and there.

180 pesos (the price of movie tickets today) is hard-earned money regardless of which lifestyle yardstick you use, this reality is multiplied several times whenever you tag along a member of the family going to the cinema- cost of popcorn and transportation not included.

The fact that people weathered the storm last weekend to catch Kimmy Dora is an indication that they want to be entertained.

It’s not a surprise that it has some big shoes to fill in and a bigger expectation to slay.  Props to Uge and the makers of the film for even daring to face this challenge.

My verdict? First 15 minutes of the film was hilarious! The middle can be skipped and the end credits where it showed the bloopers should have made the final edit!

I hope the producers and creators of Kimmy Dora would take serious caution in extending the series more than it should and squeeze it with every single peso it can churn out- the same fate that happened to the ‘Tanging Ina’ franchise which was brilliant when it first came out only to be completely undistinguished after the plot has been dehydrated and bastardized all in the name of profitability and MMFF.

Restraint is a hard lesson to learn. More so, if you are talking about millions of pesos, for the producers and millions of ideas, for the creators and director.


Meanwhile, despite and in spite of constant reminders to switch off the mobile phones or turn it into silent mode there would always be at least one among the audience whose phone would ring at the middle of the movie.

These kinds of species should forever be prohibited from going to the cinema. Unless of course, they are part of the yellow army and is PNOY’s kabarilan, kamaganak, kaibigan, kaklase at ka-wavelength!





Thursday, June 14, 2012

PBB Teens and The Untold Story of Philippine Heroes


Andres Bonifacio was the first runner up of Jose Rizal in the hit reality show ‘Search For The Philippine National Hero’.


Rumor has it that text votes started coming after a huge crowd gathered to witness the dramatic 'finale performance' of Rizal at Bagumbayan which eclipsed Bonifacio’s finale in an undisclosed location in Maragondon where his brother was the lone audience.



Known to many, Bonifacio is a veteran of reality search programs. He also joined the very popular ‘Search for the First Philippine President’ competition but sadly lost to Emilio Aguinaldo.

Emilio Aguinaldo was crowned winner at Kawit Cavite with his finale song entitled ‘Marcha National Filipina’ which has been revived multiple times (making it a multi-platinum hit) and is now known as ‘Lupang Hinirang’.




Lapu Lapu was the first winner of Survivor! He survived the harsh weather conditions at the island of Mactan and was able to convince the jury to hand him the title because of his impressive maneuvering of the tribe to oust Magellan via blind side. 

Sultan Kudarat was the winner of the second season.





Apolinario Mabini, tried to join the 'Amazing Race' but was disqualified due to his wheelchair’s mechanical advantage. 

Since then he joined ‘The Apprentice’ which declared him their first ‘work at home’ winner!




The first edition of the 'Philippines Next Top Model' was fierce!  The finale was between Maria Sinukuan (of the north) and Maria Makiling (of the south). 

Each of them wore a gown made by no less than Marcella Agoncillo who would later be tapped by Aguinaldo to stitch the first Philippine Flag.





The Katipuneros joined and was declared champion of the very first barangay dance showdown of Showtime held in Tondo, Manila. 

Almost at the same time, Juan Luna was chosen by the judges to be the first Pilipinas Got Talent Winner for his masterpiece- Spolarium.





Unknown to many, prior to joining The Search for the Philippine National Hero, Rizal first joined PBB Teens where he gained popularity for his charm and notoriety in making teenage girls fall in love as early as the age of 13. 

Reports say that Leonor Rivera and Segunda Katigbak where among the teen housemates that time. 




Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Post Independence Day Rumblings: Tax, Corruption, Heroes and Identity



When I was young I often wonder why we need to confess our sins to the priest and not just ask for forgiveness directly from God? Most of the time I am left puzzled how the priest would concoct and determine the combination and frequency of ‘Hail Mary’s’ and ‘Our Father’s’ that one should recite.

Growing up, I learned that Hail Mary’s and Our Father’s do not make one holy or righteous.

Sharon Cuneta, Manny Pacquiao and Mirriam Quiambao think quoting a bible verse will do the trick!

Photo from theguywithablog.blogspot.com


When I was young I thought that Iglesia Ni Cristo is the only reliable solid voting bloc in the country.

Growing up, I learned that ARMM, particularly Maguindanao can deliver just as much votes if not more.

When I was young I was taught ‘Crime Does Not Pay’

Growing up, I learned that the sentence was unfinished. The other part being: ‘with exceptions if your last name happens to be Ampatuan’.

Photo from salem-news.com

When I was in school I thought only the best and the brightest gets elected to be the President of the Student Council. And while some can get their way through charm and charisma, they are often the exception not the rule.

Growing up, I learned that just by bashing the previous administration as frequent as you can, you could be elected at the highest post in the land. Of course it would help if your parents were considered ‘heroes’ too.

Photo from asiagag.com

In school we were taught that cheating was just plain wrong.

Never did I know that I can get away with it by saying ‘ I …. Am….. Sorry…. It was a lapse in judgment.


Photo from randomxthoughts.com
Not so long ago, I asked why are we naming Manny Pacquiao- ‘Pambansang Kamao’ virtually elevating him to a status slightly lower than Rizal (National Hero) but higher than Bonifacio (National Hero Runner Up)?

And I ask this question because US did not name Tiger Woods ‘The National Golfer’ or Michael Jordan ‘The National Basketball Player’ or Rafael Nadal as Spain’s ‘National Tennis Player’.

Recent happenings in NAIA though make Claudine a strong candidate for the title 'National Punch' should Pacquiao just decide to concentrate in preaching.


Photo from gotemcoach.com

When I was young I thought corruption was a concept.

When I started working and learned how painful tax deductions were, I was convinced that corruption was a crime.

When I was young I thought robbery were committed by the indigent and desperate.

Growing up I learned it is  the bread and butter some of the richest men in the country, occupying government seats.

I also learned that the society does not call them ‘magnanakaw’ but rather they call them ‘Honorable (Insert Position and Name Here) and that they go to Las Vegas once or twice in a year to personally watch the most recent bout promoted by Top Rank and Bob Arum.

Photo from yahoo.com


When I was young I thought Independence Day meant making and waving the Philippine Flag and recounting the history of the first democratic nation in Asia.

Growing up I learned it could mean as random as Jessica Sanchez, the Bayo Campaign and yes, Manny Pacquiao.


Sunday, June 10, 2012

Pacquiao-Bradley: The Not So Shocking Results


The results are now out and it was a result that was not expected by the majority but is nevertheless one that is waiting to happen. Prior to Bradley, the last four fights of Manny has been won not by KO as he would have usually done it in the past but rather, by the verdict of the judge either majority or unanimous- the last one with Marquez being extremely controversial if not questionable too.

At least now we know how Mexico felt last year. 



Let us all rise and hear the first reading of the gospel according to Manny. 

‘Thou shall not punch a man on his face, or make him bleed, or knock him out unless you earn 70% of the pay-per-view profit’

Boxing is the modern incarnation of the game that Roman’s fondly call as ‘gladiator match’, masquerading as a sport via the introduction of a pair of gloves and a 12 round rule. Boxing brings out the savage, violent and often primitive instincts of the expectators. So it’s quite an irony that a recently converted ‘Man of God’ makes this his bread and butter. 

Professional boxing is not about national pride or carrying the flag of the country. This is no Olympics. Professional boxing has been, and always will be about money otherwise people like Bob Arum wouldn’t have existed. 

In professional boxing, money is the root of all cancelled match-ups. 

Yes my dear kababayans, the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight was killed multiple times because of the dispute on who goes home richer and not because of who uses drugs or who is afraid of who. 

Photo courtesy of examiner.com


All rise for the reading of the second gospel according to Manny.

‘Thou shall not leave your friends even if they are crooked politicians, or gamblers or womanizers. Thou shall still make them part of your entourage and accompany you even when you preach the word of God’

Now it can be told many congressmen lost a significant portion of their ‘savings’ because they have so confidently placed their bet on Manny. The question is how will they recover? When is the next release of the pork barrel again?

The only way to verify or should I say quantify the financial impact of Manny’s recent loss is by inspecting the SALN of the congressmen. I wonder if they will declare the loss as ‘liability’ once they fill it out. 

BREAKING NEWS: Freddie Roach OUT as Manny’s coach! Claudine Barreto IN.




Photo courtesy of pinoyshoutouts.com
All rise for the third and final reading of the gospel according to Manny. 
 
‘Thou shall not watch NBA prior to a scheduled fight unless you want to walk in late and let your opponents and viewers wait.'

If at all, it can be called contribution- Manny just introduced to the entire world what ‘Filipino Time’  means and redefined ‘diva’ to mean as ‘you are the challenger- you wait till I am ready.’

If there is anything that made me upset today it’s the once in a lifetime opportunity to become multimillionaire by placing my bet on the ‘perceived underdog’ that is Bradley. 

Sure, the win might not be convincing. But let me ask you this- who prepared well and long? Who was hungrier? Who has the better motivation? Your answer is as good as mine. 

Pacquiao being a veteran in the ring knows for a fact that the only way to obliterate politics and subjectivity in the world of boxing is to knock out the opponent. A feat he failed to convincingly do in his last five match ups- leaving his fate to the judge’s scorecard. This time the gods did not favour him.

So is a Pacquiao- Mayweather duel still possible? All I know is that when it happens, it’s not about the flag or national pride. Never.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Fearless Forecast on Bradley-Pacquiao Fight and Enchong-Piolo Rift



On Manny Pacquiao and Bradley Fight


-          Filipino ‘supporters’ of Jessica Sanchez will raise eyebrows after she belts out the lung-busting version of Star Spangled Banner! But she has no choice! The National Historical Institute (NHI) will condemn her if she sings Lupang Hinirang with too many growls and runs!


      There are three things that all news programs in the Philippines will report the night after the boxing match. First, the result of the bout. Second, how much Pacquiao earned and finally, correlate 0% crime-rate in the Philippines during the fight.

Manny Pacquiao will get 70% of the bout’s profit regardless of the result of the match. He will then go preach the gospel and head back to the Philippines as the ‘richest congressman’ and future Vice Presidential candidate at the 2016 elections.



On the 2012 SONA by PNOY



-          PNOY will extensively discuss the Impeachment of Renato Corona and how his removal contributed to the ‘Its More Fun In the Philippines’ campaign or rather, ‘Tuwid Na Daan’ crusade!

-          PNOY will get a standing ovation every time he mentions how 'evil' and 'bad' the past administration is. The speech writer anticipating that congressmen would be bored will insert the name of GMA and Corona at least 69 times!


On TV Patrol, Bandila, Saksi and 24 Oras after the SONA

-          PNOY will get 69 standing ovations! That’s more standing ovations versus Joshua Ledet and Jessica Sanchez combined!


On The Next Bench Underwear Fashion Show



- Models would parade their undergarments with tags indicating their mixed race. Kim Chiu would be wearing a sash with 50% Chinese, 50% Filipino written in it. Richard and Lucy would still be the 'finale' of the show and to avoid racism issue, Richard will wear a sash with 100% Pinoy written in it while Lucy will wear a tag that says 50% Pinay, 50% Diyosa.

- Piolo Pascual and Enchong Dee will not be a part of this year's show. They would have a major fallout at the backstage stemming from the dispute on who would wear the most coveted sash of the night- 50% Pinoy, 50% Pinay!


On the latest installment of the Bourne Identity film



- It will be a huge blockbuster hit in the Philippines and Pinoys would watch not because they perceive the movie as great or because they are a fan of the entire Bourne series but rather, because they want to see the action scenes where Jeepneys and the street of Manila are used as a conspicuous backdrop (which they can also see watching Mayor Atienza's longest running TV series- Maynila). 


On The Next PBB Teens Edition



- Victoria Court and Hotel Sogo will be the major sponsor next season.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Of Half Bloods and Hypocrisy

(As featured in rappler.com as Editor's pick)

Bayo (clothing brand) made twitter headlines when a number of ‘netizens’ found its recent marketing campaign offensive.

A certain line in the poster contains these words ‘call it biased but the mixing and matching of different nationalities with Filipino blood is almost a sure formula for someone beautiful and world class’

photo from Bayo website


You really find it offensive? Really?

If that is not being ‘balat-sibuyas’ to the extreme level then it cannot be anything else but plain hypocrisy.

Fact #1: The line just states a ‘fact’, nothing more. It does not claim anything else other than what it asserts. It does NOT even say that BEAUTY is EXCLUSIVE to those who are ‘half-breeds’ - it simply states that they generally are.

Fact #2: Nowhere in the article states that being pure Filipino is ugly or cannot be beautiful. This deduction is made by quasi-patriotic nincompoops who love exaggerating issues on ‘Pinoy Pride’.

Fact #3: Models, Celebrities, Movie and TV stars which these ‘offended netizens’ patronize are either half Filipino with a mix of the following (but not limited to) race: Chinese, Japanese, American, British, Brazilian, Spanish, etc. I cannot fathom how they would scream seeing Anne Curtis at one point and frown when a comment like ‘most half-breeds are beautiful’ is uttered. What gives?

Fact #4: When you have a Lady Gaga concert followed by the American Idol finals and then later by the conclusion of the Impeachment Trial, people need another ‘major event’ to dip their fingers into. Sorry Jasmine Curtis, your Bayo billboard came when Philippines was idle.

photo from kapitankokak.blogspot.com


On other news, owners of the legendary Likas Papaya Soap along with several major whitening lotions and products denied allegations of them being a major catalyst for the degradation of ‘nationalism’ among Filipino teenage girls who wants to have fair skin.

As a counter-attack, a mass protest is being planned to be staged at the EDSA Monument which aims to condemn makers of glutathione products for proliferating the concept of 'caucasian beauty'.

Which brings us to:

FACT #5: Scrap hypocrisy and what do you have? 70% of the population wanting to look foreign.

Photo from gmanetwork.com


‘Maganda ang pelikula parang gawang Hollywood! (the film was great! As if made by Hollywood companies), said the very proud director and producer echoed also by the actors and actresses during their TV promotions.

Question is: Aren't they supposed to be stoned to death by these so-called defenders of the 'Pinoy Pride'?

The Answer: Maybe because these so called 'patriots' are also busy watching the latest installment of the Avengers franchise or the Transformers series. 

photo from facebook.com