Friday, September 28, 2012

Recycling Kabit Movies

Revivals and covers have been the name of the game in almost the last two decades in the Filipino Pop Music landscape.

Some would be subtle and proclaim that its all about honoring the Filipino talent or some sort of tribute, but I am sure that it would not take an Einstein to point out that the main consideration has always been commercial success if not an explicit deficiency in creativity.

This trend recently found its way in mainstream Filipino movies with one persistent theme- the lives and feelings and struggles of mistresses (kabit, kerida, kalaguyo, kaagaw, kulasisi)

And no, there are no pretensions.

They come in using the almost the same cast, exploring the same themes and often times the same punch lines- save for some tweaks here and there of course.

BREAKING: Senator Sotto denied he has anything to do with this trend. How can someone steal or copy the story of a film when clearly they have different titles?

Unless the trailer is misleading Anne Curtis and Derek Ramsey’s upcoming film: A Secret Affair tackles, hold your breath, the same theme that has been tackled by ‘No Other Woman’ and only recently ‘The Mistress’.

‘No Other Woman’ is the second highest grossing Filipino film of all time raking in a total of 275 Million pesos in revenue while ‘The Mistress’ is this year’s frontrunner in the domestic box office charts pocketing almost 200 Million pesos (and it is still showing!)

So what makes them a resounding success?

One, the kabit this time is not the kontra-bida (antagonist) but rather a fine-looking, sympathetic, educated woman, victim of circumstance rather than choice whose only sin was to love and be loved in return.

This is a large contrast to the stereotypical kerida who is flirty, devoid of manners, downright evil and seeks nothing but money in trade of flesh and youth and vigor and adventure.

The success and effectiveness of these kinds of film, apart from their box office draw, is the fact that viewers end up sympathizing with the ‘kabit’ rather than the wife.

Wala na bang iba? You might ask.

My dear friends, I have two propositions either we do mash-ups or ‘revive’ some popular films of the past.

To start of, we can do a revival (with a twist!) of some popular films of the recent past. Examples:

Slumdog Mistress- a mistress joins the popular television quiz show ‘Who Wants To Be A Legal Wife’ and is just one question away from snatching the man of his dreams. The woman only has one lifeline, which is ‘call the wife’. Will the wife  help the mistress succeed? Or will she be the last hurdle in the mistress and his husband’s dream of being happy together?

Ang Tanging Kabit- a heart-warming story of the sacrifices a ‘kabit’ has made to raise her 12 kids (of different married fathers) amidst the judgment of the society, the financial difficulty and the emotional trauma.

City of Kulasisi- An angel chose to be human to be with the mortal woman he loves. Unknown to him the woman he chose in exchange of immortality is a mistress. It’s a tear jerker that is sure to instigate thoughts on immortality and immorality.

How bout we do a mash-up of the vampire theme and the kabit premise?

‘ Ang mundo ay isang malaking Capiz maraming bampira! Kung hindi ka lalaban magkaka anemia ka, lumaban ka!’ --- Carmi Martin, in the movie No Other Vampire

‘Ano ba ang mas mahirap na kalaban ang vampire na puta? O vampire na kabit?’ --- Christine Reyes, in the movie Bampirang Kabit

Or perhaps a mash-up of horror and the mistress theme?

‘Baybreytor’ (sequel to the movie Pridyider) an erotic-thriller outlining the story of an electronic pleasure device which is possessed by the devil and brings havoc and grim to any woman who uses it. The spell can only be broken if the woman can convince a married man to dump his wife and be with her instead.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

2012 UAAP Cheerdance Results: Quasi-Facts, Absolute Rumors

UE courtside reporter made a big booboo at the start of the competition whe she shouted ‘Are you ready UP?’ as opposed to ‘UE’

Never did we know that it was a foreshadowing of  their team sporting blonde hair during their routine. The blonde hair was made popular by last year’s champion UP.

In the spirit of fairness we asked Sen Sotto if he was the one who advised UE to copy UP.

Reliable source from UE actually said that their peg was that of Charice and not of UP. Ok we get it.

Much to the surprise of many the NU Bulldogs delivered a refreshing performance incorporating well-loved Disney themes such as ‘A Whole New World’ and “Beauty And The Beast’ which got many wondering why ‘Lion King’ was snubbed?

As an appropriate homage to their school's official monicker the ‘Lion King’ theme was actually reserved by the FEU Tamaraws.

The FEU Tamaraws delivered a routine with the ‘jungle’ theme. They vehemently denied allegations that they were inspired by the story of Lolong (the biggest crocodile in captivity).

UST delivered another lackluster performance. The last time they claimed the championship in the CDC was 6 years back, asked to comment on the issue their coach said: ‘kayo kaya bahain almost every week ewan ko lang kung makapag practice pa kayo!’

She has a point there.

Unannounced Special Awards:

Tito Sotto Excellence Award: UE Red Warriors
Thanks for Joining Award, Rehearsal Of The Year: Adamson
Intermission of the Year Award: De La Salle University
Kutis Mayaman, Costume Mayaman Award: The Ateneo
Disney Child Friendly Award: NU Bulldogs
Camel Toe and Santol Award: UP Pep Squad

On a side note, Samsung was asked to comment why the prize for the first placer is only 340,000 PhP? A representative said that they were supposed to award 1M pesos but unfortunately they had to pay Apple for their recent loss in the patent war.

Despite Samsung’s logo prominently pasted in the arena many spectators doubt that they are indeed the sponsors of the event. Everybody thought Cebu Pacific was behind the event because of the abusive delay in the announcement of winners.

BREAKING: Although they did not place for this year’s CDC competition the UE Warriors are determined to go back next year with a vengeance. They already have a concept: KALBO. 

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Kapag PUNO Na Ang Salop

Former DILG Undersecretary and prominent PNOY kabarilan, Rico Puno reached headlines when his failed attempt to penetrate the condo unit of the late Sec. Jesse Robredo made news.

Reports from ABSCBN later on revealed that Robredo was investigating Puno for an alleged corruption case involving an irregular rifle bidding process.

PREQUEL: 24 Hours Before The Incident

PUNO: Nagawa mo ba yung pinagagawa ko?
Agent X: Tapos na po. Di po ba niyo nakita sa news? Ilang araw ng nasusunog!
PUNO: Tutuban Mall yun ah!
Agent X: Oo nga po, hindi po ba dun?
PUNO: Hindi dun! Sabi ko sa condo! Inutil! Susugurin ko na nga lang at ako na ang magliligpit ng ebidensya!

The President was quick to defend Puno by issuing a statement confirming that it was actually him who ordered Puno to secure Robredo’s office.

When asked if his orders include the residential condo, PNOY said that it might just be a case of misinterpretation.

The Rappler later on pointed out that the statement PNOY made was inconsistent and actually contradicts former statements made by De Lima and the Robredo's wife. 

FAST FORWARD: 24 Hours After The Incident

PNOY: Last na to pare ah! Sa susunod ilalaglag na kita!
PUNO: Akala ko ba three strike rule pare?
PNOY: Three strike nga, una yung palpak mo nung Quirino hostage incident, eto pangalawa. Isa na lang!
PUNO: Galing mo pala sa math pare!
PNOY: Naman!

Meanwhile, Senator Mirriam Santiago has arranged a Senate hearing to investigate the incident. Comedian-Senator Tito Sotto gave Puno some tips to survive the grilling session

Condescending approach: 'Bakit ko naman pupuntahan yun eh condo lang yun? Logbook ba kamo? Kahit sino pwedeng isulat ang pangalan ko sa logbook!'

Tanga Approach: 'I was looking for the fuselage of the plane, my search led me there. Didn’t know it was his condo!'

Palusot approach: 'Sumali ako ng Amazing Race andun yung next clue so dumaan ako dun! Pero umalis din agad.'

Pang Asar Approach: 'Walang batas sa Pilipinas prohibiting someone to visit a condo! Bakit? Kumatok naman ako ah! Buti sana kung pinasok ko by force!'

After Puno’s resignation the President was quoted saying that he is considering Puno for other government post.

Enter music:

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Next Attraction: Maligno in Malacanang

In a radio program, Korina Sanchez recently made a remark that a dark, little monster is eyeing the DILG post after the demise of Sec. Jesse Roberdo, to quote Korina’s original statement ‘maitim na maliit na maligno’.

A few days after Korina made the statement, Binay’s camp said that the  comment was uncalled for and was in fact under the knee belt!

The plot thickened when Mar Roxas, Korina’s husband, in defense of his wife said ‘tabi, tabi po’ ‘bato bato sa langit ang tamaan guilty!’

In a joint press conference, Mother Lily and Binay denied rumors of the Vice President starring in latest  installment of Shake Rattle and Roll horror series.

Immediately almost after the press conference,  VP Binay filed a complaint at Korina’s home network so ABSCBN can investigate the alleged unethical and unfair comments.

To settle the dispute the Kapamilya network called an albularyo to conduct a ritual called ‘tawas’ using a basin of water, a spoon and melted candle. You don’t want to know what image appeared in the ‘tawas’ session.

image from

Binay’s camp inferred that perhaps Korina is still bitter of Mar’s loss in the 2012 elections and Korina was like 'pag nag comment bitter na agad? hindi ba pwedeng taklesa lang muna?'

Binay’s camp was also quoted saying ‘sayo na ang DILG sa akin ang 2016!’

If Binay would win the 2016 Presidential elections, it would make Malacanang the official residence of the 'laman-lupa'  or if you will- nuno sa punso, having housed one dwende in the past and a maitim, maliit na maligno in the future.

If Mar Roxas has any shot of reclaiming his failed presidential bid he has to shine bright in his new post as DILG chief.

Apparently, former Mr. Palengke has some big tsinelas shoes to fill after the Sec. Jessie Robredo and PNOY was like ‘Mar! Chance mo na to!’

Unfortunately, after using the monicker Mr. Palengke and Mr.Padyak, Mar cannot use Mr. Tsinelas because it has been identified with the late Jessie Robredo.

Commedian-Senator Sotto however gave a brilliant suggestion! ‘Ano ka ba Mar? Walang plagiarism law sa Pilipinas! I-english mo lang yan pwede mo nang gamitin. Try this: Mr. Slippers!

The clown-lawmaker also added: ‘to make it more masa ask Ramboo to be your sponsor as instead of Havaianas! Better yet, bring back the good old Alpombra!’

Unknown to many but obvious for one apparent reason, both Korina and Binay were secretly happy that Robredo’s passing happened years before 2016.  

Had it happen months before the presidential elections Leni (the wife) would have won by a landslide preventing both of them from clinching the Malacanang post. 

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Sotto's Sin

The online community has been calling for Sotto’s resignation since the first part of  his Turno en Contra speech for the RH Bill discussion which exposed his proficiency in copying, pasting (or to his staff’s own words- ‘lifting’) entire passages from different authors word per word.

Seriously? We expect a comedian-senator to suddenly develop decency overnight after displaying an extreme case of ignorance, arrogance and entitlement?

I do not know which rule applies best here:

A.     You cannot teach hominids new tricks
B.    There’s no point arguing with a fool, specially if he is Senator of the Philippines

Sotto has been called many different names in twitter and in facebook- 100% of the time they are downright condescending. But the truth of the matter is he might not even know what ‘condescending’ means.

All he knows is that he is ridiculed and by fighting the RHBill’s passage into law he is doing God and the people of the Philippines a great service.

Enter music:

‘Sinong dakila?
Sino ang tunay na baliw?
Sinong mapalad?
Sinong tumatawag ng habag?
Yoon bang sinilang na ang pag iisip ay di lubos?
O husto ang isip ngunit sa research ay kapos?

Okay, I do not want to be charged of plagiarism so I’ll ‘SOTTOFY’ the passages above and translate it to English:

Who is noble?
Who is the real fool?
Who is fortunate?
Who begs for charity?
Those who are born mentally incapacitated?
Or Sotto?

Come to think of it, because of the honorable senator, the issue of plagiarism is very much alive. 

Discussions on what constitutes plagiarism, why it is a mortal sin inside and outside the classroom is being brought to the attention of Filipino citizens.

Suddenly its not just about reproductive health and condom and how it all ties up to what God wants us to do in terms of procreation. Suddenly its all about jokes at the Senate halls, English-Tagalog translations, twisting of intent and meaning, ego, arrogance and utter lack of logic.

Fine, we cannot force the clown to resign and perhaps laws in the Philippines might not be sufficient to hold a comedian-senator accountable for his intellectual blunders but one day I sure hope someone steps up and turn the entire circus into a Cirque-de-Soleil level.

Request for a senate investigation and invite Sotto’s professors in Letran and ask them how this man managed to escape college without understanding the basic tenets of logic and without any grain of comprehension of what plagiarism is.

Perhaps, we can ask how a man voted by the citizens of the Philippines to craft laws has become so full of himself that he lost his basic respect for the intellectual property of others.

Sotto’s greatest sin is not that he committed plagiarism or his ignorance. His greatest sin is arrogance. 

BREAKING: Webster is seriously considering using 'Sotto' as a synonym of the word 'copy'. 

Example: Instead of using 'copy and paste', one can just say 'Sotto and paste'.

'You are nothing but a second-rate, trying hard, Sottocat!'  --- from the movie A Star Without Glitter