On Manny Pacquiao and Bradley Fight
- Filipino ‘supporters’ of Jessica Sanchez will raise eyebrows after she belts out the lung-busting version of Star Spangled Banner! But she has no choice! The National Historical Institute (NHI) will condemn her if she sings Lupang Hinirang with too many growls and runs!
There are three things that all news programs in the Philippines will report the night after the boxing match. First, the result of the bout. Second, how much Pacquiao earned and finally, correlate 0% crime-rate in the Philippines during the fight.
Manny Pacquiao will get 70% of the bout’s profit regardless of the result of the match. He will then go preach the gospel and head back to the Philippines as the ‘richest congressman’ and future Vice Presidential candidate at the 2016 elections.
On the 2012 SONA by PNOY
- PNOY will extensively discuss the Impeachment of Renato Corona and how his removal contributed to the ‘Its More Fun In the Philippines’ campaign or rather, ‘Tuwid Na Daan’ crusade!
- PNOY will get a standing ovation every time he mentions how 'evil' and 'bad' the past administration is. The speech writer anticipating that congressmen would be bored will insert the name of GMA and Corona at least 69 times!
On TV Patrol, Bandila, Saksi and 24 Oras after the SONA
- PNOY will get 69 standing ovations! That’s more standing ovations versus Joshua Ledet and Jessica Sanchez combined!
On The Next Bench Underwear Fashion Show
- Models would parade their undergarments with tags indicating their mixed race. Kim Chiu would be wearing a sash with 50% Chinese, 50% Filipino written in it. Richard and Lucy would still be the 'finale' of the show and to avoid racism issue, Richard will wear a sash with 100% Pinoy written in it while Lucy will wear a tag that says 50% Pinay, 50% Diyosa.
- Piolo Pascual and Enchong Dee will not be a part of this year's show. They would have a major fallout at the backstage stemming from the dispute on who would wear the most coveted sash of the night- 50% Pinoy, 50% Pinay!
On the latest installment of the Bourne Identity film
- It will be a huge blockbuster hit in the Philippines and Pinoys would watch not because they perceive the movie as great or because they are a fan of the entire Bourne series but rather, because they want to see the action scenes where Jeepneys and the street of Manila are used as a conspicuous backdrop (which they can also see watching Mayor Atienza's longest running TV series- Maynila).
On The Next PBB Teens Edition