Friday, June 29, 2012

Divorce, Debate and Poverty Surveys in the Catholic Republic of the Philippines

Breaking News: Katy Holmes and Tom Cruise are in the process of calling it quits after five years of marriage.

Rumor has it that Katy grew sick and tired of not being able to wear stilettos! Bianca Manalo and John Pratts as well as Venus Raj and Andrei Felix should be seriously thinking if they will tie the knot or suffer the same fate!

On the same issue, a friend commented that Tom Cruise has the same religion as that of John Travolta and by virtue of association that makes Tom a closet gay.

Katy is Tom’s third wife. If this inference is correct then Rustom Padilla is a better ‘man’- never committing the same error twice.

By the same yardstick, Piolo Pascual is the most noble. Always the boyfriend never the groom.

Now back to regular programming:

 The Catholic Republic of the Philippines remains to be the only country in the world disallowing divorce.

The irony of it all is the fact that majority of our legislators are either those who availed separation (by legal aka annulment proceedings or extra-legal methods aka ‘sustento method’) or those who are known to have multiple ‘partners’ apart from their declared official wives.

Enter dream sequence:

In the not so distant future at the house of representatives, a Partylist Congresswoman authored the Divorce Bill. The bill is about to be put on vote for it to be endorsed to the Senate. 

A debate among members of the congress is ongoing:

Deputy House Speaker: The honorable congressman from Sarangani will now outline his opposition to the proposed Divorce Bill.

Manny: Good morning madlang people! You kno, according to Matthew 19:6, ‘what God has put together let no man put as… asu…. asunder!’

(Thunderous claps from the plenary)

Manny:  ibig pong sabihin pag pinagsama ng Panginoon, hindi pwedeng paghiwalayin ng tao. Tutol po tayo sa Divorce Bill. This is a move from the divel (devil) you kno. Tenk yo!

Deputy House Speaker: The honorable congressman from Samar will now interpolate the congressman from Sarangani.

(Enter the King Of Talk- Boy Abunda!)

Boy: Magandang Umaga, Manny!

Manny: Good Morning Titu (Tito)!

Boy: Puso sa puso Manny, nagtaksil ka ba kay Jinkee?

Manny: You kno, I’m a man of God now Titu (Tito) Buy (Boy).

Boy: That does not answer the question Manny. Yes or No, naging kayo ba ni Ara at ni Krista?

Manny: I seek my right against self incrimination! Mr.Speaker the question is imm.. immaterial, imper… impertinent and ano nga yon? Alam ko to eh, napanood ko sa Impeachment… Irr… irrelevant!

(Thunderous applause from the audience)

Boy: Ilalabas ko ang mahiwagang salamin Manny. Totoo ba na muntikan kang hiwalayan ni Jinkee nang malaman niyang may anak ka sa ibang babae?

(Long Pause. Enter slow music: Sometimes When We Tats)

Manny: Kaya nga po against ako sa divorce! Wala pang nanalong Presidenti na divorced!

BOOM! (End of dream sequence)

Post Script: It was said that after watching the session Chiz Escudero reunited with his wife, Bong Revilla loved Lani Mercado more and Jejomar Binay hugged Elinita Binay tight.

Back To Reality. A recent SWS survey shows that the number of Filipinos who consider themselves ‘poor’ diminished. 

The poverty perception survey came in perfect time when PNOY’s speech writer was on the process of drafting the SONA.

So far, what’s written in the list of achievements are the following:

(1)   Dating Grace Lee
(2)   Hold departure list against GMA
(4)   Selling his Porsche and
(5)   Advancing several levels in DOTA and in DIABLO

One of the main contentions against GMA’s claims on the improvement of economy (during her SONAs) is that alleviation of poverty should not only be expressed in GNP, GDP and Inflation. It has to be felt by the population.

The survey, although highly subjective if done properly would somehow validate the claims of an economy that is starting to get into shape but the timing and the intention is questionable given the fact that SONA is near and nothing really changed after the Chief Justice has been expelled from the office.

If you think about it these are the same survey firms who released opinion polls during the Impeachment Trial, the same ones who provided popularity ratings during the last presidential elections.

And yes, the same data points used by the geniuses behind the ‘daang matuwid’ campaign tag line.

In a country where public opinion is shaped largely by the media, surveys can elect a president, impeach a chief justice and convince someone that he is no longer hungry or indigent.

I therefore conclude that in the Catholic Republic of the Philippines, the only country in the world where divorce is not an option and poverty is a matter of perception – SURVEYS ARE THE OPIUM OF THE PEOPLE.


  1. Wow, from a humor blog, you have turned into my news channel! Didnt know theyre having a divorce, sad. Wala na bang perfect couple sa hollywood? Hehe

  2. hahaha! thanks for dropping by charles! News Channel talaga? Umm, wala na daw perfect couple ever since the Piolo-KC and PNOY-Grace Lee break up! lol!

  3. hahaha good to hear MP's vocabulary is improving. maybe instead of buying fire trucks and choppers "to help" the people of Sarangani, he should buy a franchise of KUMON learning center, I'm sure it will be beneficial even to him and Mommy D!