Friday, January 11, 2013

The First Filipino In Space

News broke about an initiative to send the first Filipino to the outer space by the year 2014.

In a casual interview, Claudine Baretto was made to comment on a hypothetical question.

Interviewer: Supposed you were chosen as the first Filipino to be sent to the outer space and the spacecraft got delayed how would you react?

We all know what happened next. Except for Mon Tulfo.

When Miss Universe 1st Runner up Janine Tugonon was asked to comment about the issue she said:

‘For me being the first Filipino to reach the outer space is not just about knowing how to speak a specific language, it’s about being able to influence and inspire other people. So whatever language you have as long as your heart is deserving and you have a strong mind to show people, then you can be the first Filipino in outer space.’

In the same interview, no less than the President of the Republic of the Philippines was asked: ‘if you were to bring only one item in the outer space what would it be and why?’

Mar Roxas. My PSP, pakialam mo?

When the queen of talk, Kris Aquino, was asked to comment on what her first words would be as soon as she reached outer space, the star of the famous downy commercial blurted out ‘amoy ulam na ba kayo? I rub it!’

BREAKING:  The former President GMA was cleared by the Saint Luke’s Medical Centre of her life threatening illness!

She then asked her secretary to file her application form so she can be one of the candidates to go to space.

Filipinos signed a petition for the organizers to give GMA a one way ticket to the nearest black hole!

Meanwhile, the organizers received an overwhelming clamor to send ‘Pambansang Kamao’ Manny Pacquiao to be the first Filipino in space.

When asked to comment about the issue here’s what he said: ‘Depende naman yan, itatanong ko muna kay Bob Arum.’

In keeping with their tradition of claiming everything as part of their territory, China spoiled the fun by saying that everyone who wants to go to space must first get a VISA from them.

The infamous senator Tito Sotto was also asked to give comment to the issue but the senator declined to comment saying: ‘Bakit pa eh pag nag comment naman ako sasabihin ng mga detractors ko kinopya ko sa iba basta ang masasabi ko lang jan one small step for a Filipino one giant step for mankind!’

BREAKING! Next Year’s MMFF movies were inspired by this recent happening:

Vic Sotto and Bong Revilla’s Si Agimat, Si Enteng Kabisote At Si Kokey
Mother Lily’s Space, Rockets, Black Hole
Angel Locsin, Angelica Panganiban  and Dingdong Dantes in One More Comet
Vice Ganda, Kris Aquino and AiAi Delas Alas in STARakas
Ate Guy’s Thy Moon

POSTSCRIPT: Henry Sy declined to comment on rumors linking him and his company in the proposed SM Mall of Milky Way while Jollibee and McDonalds keep their heated rivalry as each try to outdo each other to be the first fastfood chain on the moon!

Monday, January 7, 2013

I Wonder

Growing up watching Japanese cartoons and sentai series I have always wondered why villains won’t attack the heroes as they are on the process of transformation.

Today, I cannot fathom why Filipinos who can’t even afford to eat a decent meal three times a day can afford to have a mobile phone or maintain a facebook account.

When I was a kid, I could not understand why my parents would say ‘finish your meal, there are a lot of hungry children out there!’ as if finishing my meal would make those kids full!

When I was a kid I find it odd that ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ was a song for children. 

Often times, I am left asking, which is more shocking? To see your mom kissing an old guy dressed in red or waking up on Christmas day with your stockings empty?

Since I started working, every Christmas I cannot reconcile how a Filipino employee could spend a year’s worth of bonus in one day of festivity which they say is supposed to be a celebration of all things that is not material- such as love, hope and peace!

When I turned 14 years old I figured that I have been fooled into believing that jumping as high as you can during New Year’s eve would make you taller. It’s supposed to only make you tired.

This year as the entire world greets the new year, I just can’t accept that a lot of people subscribed to the ‘Oplan Balik Alindog’ slogan. 

My biggest objection: 'How can you return something that has not been there in the first place?'

When I was in grade school I often wondered what’s the criteria for choosing that person designated to list down ‘noisy’ classmates on the blackboard.

When I turned eighteen I resigned to the fact that choosing that person who is responsible for listing down the noisy classmates is less arbitrary than the criteria for choosing our mayors and senators and presidents.

Who among us did not find it ironic that a blackboard is colored green?

Then again you grow up in a country where the righteous claim to be of the color yellow.

When I was a kid, I dread school. When I graduated, I dread work, but what I don’t understand is how Monday has been a constant dread.

Up to this day I cannot comprehend why every parent would say that education is our greatest treasure and how our leaders say that teachers are the noblest of all professions while the government’s budget for education dwindles every year.

As a kid I accepted without question or doubt that constant prayers and regular visits to the church would make me a better person not until I realized, some years later, that some of the most evil person on earth actually takes the Holy Communion for breakfast.

When I was in school, I was taught that acing the exams and giving accurate answers in recitations would make me the best. Growing up I’ve learned that failure is the best teacher.

In kindergarten, I often wondered why even if I beat King Koopa in the video game Mario Brothers, I couldn’t seem to save the princess. 

Growing up I have learned that I have to beat myself to save myself.