Thursday, August 1, 2013

The Pork Barrel In A Bathtub

At least 5 Senators and 23 members of the House of Representatives are implicated in the 10 billion-peso pork barrel scam which was allegedly orchestrated by Janet Lim Napoles.

When asked to comment on the issue, the senators involved quickly denied the allegations saying that they do not even know who Napoles is.

 The outright denial was then contradicted by a photo showing Napoles conspicuously present in an event where both senators are in attendance too!

When pressed to comment further here are their reactions:

Jinggoy: Hindi ko alam may gate-crasher pala sa party ko! I should have tighter security next time!

Bong: Lahat ng bagay ngayon pwedeng i-photoshop! Kagagawan ito ng administrasyon upang siraan ako sa darating na 2016!

Manny: Hiyang-hiya naman ako sayo Bong! Tatakbu din ako sa 2016! See you in the presidential debate!

The whistleblower alleged that the money derived from these ghost NGO projects are being delivered at the Napoles residence and is placed at the bathtub.

In the spirit of fairness NBI raided the Napoles residence and found no bathtub. Instead, they (the NBI) found an Olympic-sized pool!

Forbes released their annual list of billionaires. Henry Sy gained the top spot for six years in a row which left many wondering where the hell is the name Janet Lim Napoles in the list?

Also in recent news, the Pope asked priests all over the world to refrain from living a lavish lifestyle.
Janet Lim Napoles and her daughter were relieved! After all, they are not priests!

Petitions to relocate Mali, the lone elephant in the country housed at the Manila Zoo, to the elephant sanctuary in Thailand is growing.

A separate petition to house senators and congressmen in the crocodile farm is also gaining grounds!

Meanwhile Senator Mirriam filed resolution to decrease pork allocation for lawmakers every year until it is totally eradicated by 2016.

COMELEC was worried that no one would run for Senator and Congressman on 2016!

Janet Lim Napoles and her daughter quickly reacted to the news and was quoted saying ‘paano na and kabuhayan namin?’

Meanwhile, the 10 billion pork barrel scam and the ghost projects inspired this year’s MMFF entry to be topbilled by no less than Jinggoy and Bong tentatively titled Shake Rattle and Roll 10 (Billion): The Ghost

BIR Commissioner Kim Henares commented that 90% of self-employed professionals in the country are not paying the accurate taxes due to them.

Janet Napoles was not so happy about the news.

In other news:

Claudine filed a case versus husband Raymart Santiago for allegedly abusing him mentally, psychologically and physically.

Raymart’s camp is preparing to use their star-witness to debunk the claims of Claudine in the person of Mon Tulfo.

In the recently concluded SONA by PNOY, many commented about the absence of three topics- the pork barrel scam, the FOI bill and the GMA blame game!

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