Wednesday, February 4, 2015

#EhDiWow: Questions That Bother The Soul

In life, there is not always an answer but there are surely a lot of questions. Here are some of mine:



Question to Nancy Binay: What gown should our next Miss Universe candidate wear?

Question to Napoles: How did it feel that for one day (after Philippines failed to enter the Top 5 of the Miss Universe pageant) you were not the most hated woman in the country?
Question to Stella Araneta: Do you have an obsession with cakes? Yung totoo?!

Question to Binay: When the Pope mentioned that we should fight corruption in any form,  did you feel anything at all? Hiya? Kunsensya? Wala?!
Question to the Pope: When you said mercy and compassion, that was before you met the Binays right?!

Question to the Luneta priest during the Pope’s visit: Did Showtime contact you already?
Question to PNOY: If the day would come that you are scheduled to attend a celebrity wedding ceremony, the opening of another car plant and an interview with Vice Ganda-  which would you prioritize?
Question to GMA: What did you feel when, for the first time in the history of his administration; PNOY did not blame this issue of botched Maguinadanao SAF operations (#Fallen44) to you?


Question to The Queen Of All Media: Suppose one day, Darla made the unthinkable mistake of criticizing PNOY, would you bestow to her the capital punishment of unfollowing her on Instagrm?

Question to Bimby: Are you ready to be featured in nationwide news platforms in the Philippines once your mom confirms that you have been circumcised in the very near 
future?



Insert The Buzz + Aquino and Abunda followed by TV Patrol and Bandila coverage on the monumental event bound to be a national issue:
Kris: Darlaaa! Faster! Bimby will be late na in his appointment!  The doctor is waiting!
Boy: Krizzy, eto na ba ang hinihintay ng buong sambayanan? Binata na nga ba si Bimby?
Kris: (rolls eyes) Yes Bhoy! I asked Noynoy nga to come with us sa hospital but he had to say no kasi daw baka i-bash nanaman siya sa social media na kung ano anong event nakaka attend siya. Eh hellow Bhoy! This is Bimb we are talking about no!
Boy: Puso sa puso Krizzy, I was always curious, did Kuya Josh went to have the same procedure?
Kris: (rolls eyes) you talaga Bhoy! Stop na! Darla! Si Bhoy! Nakakalokaaaah! I will unfollow you sa Instagrm sige ka! Hahaha!

Bonus Question to Ed Sheeran: Why only love her till seventy?

Sunday, January 11, 2015

#DearPopeFrancis


Dear Pope Francis:

Welcome to the Philippines.

It might interest you to know that we are a very proud race. We take pride in the fact that our fellow Filipinos are trending online and we celebrate if one if us makes it to the finals of the American Idol or X Factor in some other countries. We call it ‘national pride’.

Speaking of ‘national pride’, you would also be delighted to know that we take it to the extreme. Meaning, if someone makes it internationally, we basically make him a god. One very good example is Manny Pacquiao- we made him a congressman, we also plan to make him a Senator or Vice President come 2016, we made a celebrity out of his mom and wife and kids. 

Heck! We even allowed him to own a basketball team and be its playing coach! We take pride in the fact Filipinos don’t commit crime whenever he fights, we made him a singer, an actor, an endorser. Don’t be surprised if CBCP nominates him as a saint in the next few years.

We are a nation with a very short memory. You see, we have ousted Marcos some three decades back and now his entire family is back with power and there is even a movement calling for his son’s return to Malacanang.

Another classic example is when we ousted Estrada a few years back and just when got released, he almost won the presidency once again!

We jail small time robbers but we adore big time plunderers. Name it we have it- mayors, congressmen, senators, presidents. We re-elect them election after election.

Whenever we catch our politicians lying, stealing or cheating- we don’t expect them to resign, rather we expect them to deny, dismiss it as fabricated story and then win another term or a higher post!

If you are not yet dizzy with amazement, please also know that we are a nation of shopping malls. Each city is bursting with malls- we have more malls than public hospitals! Beat that!

Please also note that if you would be disgusted with anything that you will see or experience while in the Philippines, better keep your mouth shut and never make a remark. We have a habit of declaring ‘persona non grata’ anyone who dared to criticize us, and this country- never mind if what they say is true. Please ask Mr. Dan Brown.

Recently we made international headlines as the country with the most luxurious prison cells! Please look at the picture below. Don’t they just look like five star hotels?

Photo courtesy of Rappler.com


We know that we have a world-record traffic situation in Metro Manila but we just complain and refuse to do anything about it- except of course by tweeting it or making it a Facebook status.

Our government thinks it is a joke to have a dysfunctional, inefficient and dangerous train system. Our bus and jeepney drivers think that they own the roads- they swerve left and right as if they were small motorcycles.

If you are lucky enough to hail a cab on a rush hour in a payday Friday then chances are, you will be a victim of hold-up!

We complain about garbage films during MMFF but we patronize them every year- never failing to make them blockbusters!

I think you will be surprised and disgusted to know that while the church and Baclaran and Quiapo is known for many devotees, they are the same spots with the most number of swindlers, robbers and snatchers! You would even find abortion potions being sold just right outside!

We are a nation who completes ‘Simbang Gabi’ because we believe that a wish would be granted as if God is some kind of a genie.

Welcome to the Philippines!

PS. How did you enjoy the world's worst airport?

Thursday, April 24, 2014

The Name Game!



The Philippines is so rich in personalities and landmarks that can slap a thousand and one dimensions in our everyday vocabulary! Are you ready for the name game? Here we go!



In a scale of Mar Roxas to Jejomar Binay, gaano ka ka-atat?

In a scale of 1 to Anne Curtis, how much alcohol do you need to turn into a bitch?

In a scale of Pagong to EDSA, gaano ka kabagal?

In a scale of 1 to Bong Revilla, how many trips to Jerusalem do you need to wash your image clean?

In a scale of Bong Revilla to Jinggoy Estrada, how thick is your face?

In a scale of 1 to China, how likely are you to claim what is not yours?

In a scale of Madame Auring to Kris Aquino, how miserable is your love life?

In a scale of Madamme Auring to Mahal to Kris Aquino, how likely are you to make a circus out of yourself?



In a scale of PNOY to Mar Roxas, how is your incompetence?

In a scale of 1 to PNOY, how likely would you blame someone for your mistakes?

In a scale of 1 to PNOY, how likely are you to move on?

In a scale of 1 to PNOY, how likely are you to hire your friends?

In a scale of 1 to NAIA, how hopeless can you get?

In a scale of J Co donuts to MRT, gaano kahaba ang pila?

In a scale of 1 to Vhong Navarro, how likely would you bring food to a condo?


Tuesday, January 7, 2014

TAE PO: Top 5 Notorious Punch Lines of 2013


2013 was one of the most devastating years for a third world country like the Philippines who, despite being frequently visited by naturally occurring disasters, has not learned from it. Special mention has to be given to epal politicians whose disaster recovery skills are limited to a conjunction of TV appearance and relief operations.

But apart from Habagat and Yolanda who made the headlines last year, a number of punch lines also hugged the spotlight!

I am listing down the five most notorious! You have been warned!

At number five, we have the loud and proud TV host whose hobby includes flaunting his millions, reducing entertainment to young women dancing like crazy in skimpy outfits and castigating his staff in public!

How to best use it in real life:

Imagine yourself inside an exclusive village at midnight and the security guards would not let you pass the gates because of existing rules.

Shout at them and roar! ‘You don’t do this to me!!!’



At number four, we have a news-anchor whose patience quickly ran out when his questions were left unanswered!

How to use it in real life:

Imagine yourself talking to the president of this country and you are asking questions about policies on transparency and FOI bill. You start hearing  all kinds and forms bullshits (including the blame game using past administration’s name)

Shout at him and say: ‘Panira ka ng araw eh!’



At number three, we have the perceived queen inconsistencies of the pork barrel scam whose standard answer to all questions thrown at her was a resounding ‘I invoke my right!’

How to use it in real life:

Imagine yourself being a Senator of the Republic of the Philippines who was caught red handed committing plagiarism not once, not twice but multiple times!

Face the media and blab: ‘I invoke my right po!’



At number two, we have a celebrity whose squeaky clean image was shattered when she was reported to have made a scene at a bar allegedly letting go of lines that were almost lifted from a movie script: ‘I can buy you, your friends and this club!’

How to use it in real life?

Please don’t unless you want to appear before BIR Commissioner Kim Henares!

image courtesy of philstar.com


At number one, we have the queen of all kaartehan media who declared earlier that she will quit showbiz for the sake of her son Bimby!

Guess what? Not only did she stay in the limelight but she even managed to appear on an MMFF entry and drag her son to star in it!



Highly Commendable: Though he did not make the cut, this news anchor surely brought the house down for his funny faux pas while reporting live!

How to use it in a real life?

Andaming  dumagsang tae, este tao para manood ng MMFF movies!


Thursday, October 17, 2013

ANAK 2013 Version ni Ka Freddie

Freddie Aguilar, the singer song-writer of the world-reknowed and legendary song, 'ANAK' recently made headlines for his romance with a 16 year old girl!

The song, which sold 6 million copies worldwide and translated into at least 26 languages, is now up for a much needed revival!

Here's the new lyrics! Enjoy!


Noong isilang ka sa mundong ito
51 years old na kaya ako
Pati aking bunso mas matanda pa sayo
At ang nanay at tatay mo'y
Di malaman ang gagawin
Minamasdan lagi pag-alis mo
At sa gabi'y napupuyat ang iyong nanay
Sa paghintay sa gate ninyo
At sa umaga nama'y papasok ka sa eskwela
Kasama ng highschool bestfriends mo

Ngayon nga ay sixteen ka na
Two years na lang ay debut mo na
Di man sila payag
Walang magagawa
Ikaw nga ay biglang nagbago
Naging matigas ang iyong ulo
Anong magagawa eh nag meet tayo?
Di mo man lang inisip na
Matanda pa ako sa lolo at lola mo
Pagkat ang nais mo'y
Masunod ang layaw mo
Di mo sila pinapansin

Nagdaan pa ang mga araw
Hinayaan mo akong manligaw
Ikaw ay nalulong sa matandang pilyo
At ang una mong nilapitan
Ang iyong laptop at binuksan
At ang tanong ng facebook ,"what’s on your mind?"
At ang iyong mga mata'y biglang lumuha ng di mo napapansin
Nagtataka at sa isip mo'y
Nalaman mong ika'y nasa headlines
Nagugulo at sa isip mo'y
Hayaan na at least ika’y aking girlfriend
Kiniklig at sa isip mo'y
Nalaman mong ika'y may regla na.




Wednesday, October 2, 2013

The Plunder Quiz


In recent news, Dominga Cadelina (the former maid of Janet Napoles) who was sent to jail for qualified theft, was seen on the television last night saying that she knew a lot of things that is why she was placed behind bars.

If you were Cadelina and Napoles filed a case of theft against you, what would you have said?

A.     Hiyang-hiya naman ako sayo ma’am! Ako pa ang magnanakaw ngayon?
B.     Kung magnanakaw ako, anong tawag po sayo ma’am?
C.     Pag maid magnanakaw agad ma’am? Pag senador napag-initan lang?
D.    Bago niyo ako ikulong mag-privilege speech muna ako! This is unfair ma’am!

PNOY was fuming when he was recently named ‘Pork Barrel King’ after the public learned of the irregularities in the pork barrel distributed during the Corona trial for those senators who voted for conviction.

In his official statement PNOY reverted back to old tricks and played the blame game by slamming the name of ex-president GMA and how her administration mishandled funds.

If you were GMA what would your reaction be?

A.     Eto na nga ang daang matuwid! Ang shaya-shaya noh?!
B.     PNOY, move on move on din pag may time noh?!
C.     Yung totoo? Gaya-gaya lang kay Jinggoy? Pag nahuli turo sha iba?
D.    Hiyang-hiya naman kashi ako sa kalinishan ng administrashyon mo noh?!

Jinggoy delivered a privilege speech crying foul and saying that selective justice is injustice. In the same speech he said that there is a government official who provided Jollibee receipts as pork barrel liquidation.

If you were Jollibee, what would you have told Jinggoy?

A.     Mas maganda kung nag resign ka na lang kesa nag privilege speech ka!
B.     Naks! Idol! Successful ang diversionary tactics! Bida ang saya!
C.     Thank you for the free advertisement! Langhap na langhap ang sarap!
D.    At least kami nag issue ng resibo, si bestfriend Napoles mo ba?

There have been two installments of Chito Miranda sex scandal, one for Wally Bayola, the attack of Habagat which submerged the greater Metro Manila, the Zamboanga crisis and Megan taking our first Miss World crown but the pork barrel scandal remains at the headlines of news.

If you were Napoles, Jinggoy, Bong and JPE what would your reaction be?

A.     Naknamputsa naman! Wala bang bagong pasabog si Kris Aquino?!
B.     Ara Arida! Please win the Miss Universe!
C.     Wala bang sex scandal si PNOY at si Grace Lee?
D.    Mayweather! Labanan mo na kasi si Pacquiao!

Photo courtesy of philnews.ph

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Unggoy


Once convicted plunderer and Senator of the Philippines, Jinggoy Estrada delivered a privilege speech last week after his name was heaved at another plunder case this time with fellow thieves senators Bong Revilla and Juan Ponce Enrile.

In that speech, Jinggoy complained how it was so unfair for the public to judge them based solely on the COA report and the account of the whiste-blowers.

Taxpayers, let us say sorry to Jinggoy for being so unfair. Never mind if we are robbed every month of our hard-earned income year in, year out. Nakakahiya sa kanya. 

In that same speech Jinggoy tried to discredit the COA report by pointing out process flaws and throwing ad-hominems to the COA Chairman.

COA, please say sorry to Jinggoy for implicating him on your PDAF audit. Never mind if he used the same report to point fingers to his fellow high-profile snatchers and thief at the senate and in the congress.

If that is not nincompoop personified I don't know what that is. 



In that speech too Jinggoy revealed that 50 million pesos worth of PDAF (pork barrel) ‘incentive’ was given to each senator who voted to convict Corona.

Ex-CJ Corona, please do the honors and thank Jinggoy for exposing this irregularity. Never mind if he admitted to have accepted the additional 50 million allocation too and never thought it was wrong during that time until he found himself in this shituation now.

True to the movie star that he is, he injected a punch line in his speech by mentioning how a certain public official also has questionable transactions involving millions of pesos with Jollibee.

Which makes you wonder if this clown-senator wants to somehow make this pork-barrel saga a telenovela by calling Jollibee in the succeeding senate inquiry?

Or perhaps if you want to make it more literal, which is more questionable? Millions worth of yumburgers with receipts or millions worth of shadow projects?

If there is such a thing as poetic justice we might be seeing Jinggoy behind bars for his second plunder case.

But another conviction for this shameless high-profile thief is more indicative  of us as a nation rather than him and his kind.

Long as it is (not mentioning how it lacks substance) by any standards, the 14 page speech failed to dispute and address the allegations thrown at the thief Senator- that one question that demanded concrete, absolute and concise answer- did you or did you not do it?

But such truthfulness cannot be demanded or at least expected of a man whose morals have been questionable in the first place, more so a man who has been convicted of plunder and voted back to the senate, more so of a specie called Filipino politician. 

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

The Call Center Work: Perceptions and Reality


Much has been said about the call center work both against and in defense of the industry in the social networking sites as well as in the mainstream media.

I will attempt to pitch in and contribute in the discussion, albeit late, not because I feel there is a need to correct the misconceptions but because I want to address my fellow call center professionals.

The Perception of Financial Supremacy

The first thing that comes to mind when someone learns that someone is working in a call centre is that, that person earns a lot.

While it is true that call center professionals generally earn more compared to most of the working population in other industries, I feel that this reality also is the roadblock why the profession has yet to receive the respect it deserves.

When a call center professional receive a negative comment about his/her line of work the most common and immediate reaction has always been ‘at least I earn more than you do!’

This has got to stop my friends. Not because it is not the reality but because the reality of the call center profession is larger than that.

So What If We Earn More?

The Philippine economy in the last few decades have been relying highly on the revenues being generated by our OFW friends until the BPO industry started to peak.

Today and in the last decade the annual revenues generated by the BPO industry is undeniably one of the strongest force driving the country’s economy in the form of tax, job creation and boom in food and in commercial and residential realty.

It is said that if we compare the two the BPO work outweighs the OFW work in terms of direct economic consequence.

This is because for every one employee employed in the BPO industry there are approximately five jobs that are created elsewhere.

This observation is validated by proliferation of 7eleven and Mini Stop stores in BPO areas as well as fast food chains (Jollibee, McDo among others), the boom of food stalls, condominium units (either rented or sold) and most importantly office spaces across the country.

If we take the BPO industry out of the picture Makati, BGC, Ortigas, QC, Cebu, Davao would be a lonely place. Imagine how many buildings would not be occupied or constructed at all?

The truth is, the Starbucks barista should be smiling at you my friend because your BPO employment necessitated the growth of coffee shops in the country and so is the local and national government for the huge amount of tax that you and these industries generate monthly.

Simply put, the BPO industry pumps the blood that other industries need to survive and thrive.

But I Am A College Graduate!

Oh this one is the most painful misconception because it underlines the fact that the profession is not recognized much more respected both by those who are in it and outside of it.

There are a lot of BPO workers who up until now thinks that it is not a profession and it is just sad and I think that it stems from the fact that they see it merely as a means to get their bank accounts filled twice a month.

The truth is, there is more to the BPO industry than answering calls.

You can be a people manager- not any different from an office worker or a business manager. You can be in training and people development- not any different from any corporate training professionals. You can be a quality or reports specialists- not any different from analytics professional in other industries who crunch numbers 9 hours a day!

Or you can be a world-class call center associate- not any different from a hotel staff who maintains the best customer service with guests and customers!

So what if it was not your course in college?

My friend, no one said that you have to derive your self-worth from your degree. The best doctors and teachers out there are the best not because they have applied what they learned, they are the best because they deeply and genuinely care about people they deal with and that passion is translated to what they do.

Simply put, it is not what we do, it is the value we put in what we do that matters.



Something Has To Change

The recent onslaught of non-stop rains is a testament to the waterproof commitment and dedication of the call center professionals in this country.

My friends, there is dignity in with the fact that we have explored different means to constantly go to work, leaving home with a sick family member or a baby or worse risking our own safety so we can perform our duties.

This is what I meant when I said that our defense or knee-jerk reactions towards criticism should not just be confined in the argument of who earns better.

By leaving the debate of salary to facts, we establish ourselves as professionals who are beyond monetary gains (although, mind you it is very important!)

We should establish ourselves as professionals who are highly flexible and dedicated worthy of respect and recognition not because we earn more but because just like them we think about our families and we believe that this profession is the best way to provide and improve the lives of our loved ones.

A diploma is only wasted if it is not used to its maximum potential. The BPO path is not any different from any other professional paths.

There is also a need for us to stop the superiority complex (which is a defense mechanism) and the extreme sense of entitlement.

Let us start to be more appreciative of the things that we have. A lot of the people I know in the industry constantly ask for more- and there is nothing intrinsically wrong with that- except that we have to constantly pause and say thank you.

I will not enumerate the benefits that is exclusive to our industry, you know what they are and I suggest that you start appreciating them for what they are.

Simply put, a person cannot be happy by demanding more. A person can only be happy if he/she starts to appreciate what is at hand and look at the future with optimism and resolve that he/she can be the best in what he/she does. 

Monday, August 19, 2013

The Heaven Won't Stop Weeping


I am writing this blog inside my car hoping that the rain would give me a reprieve now that I have been stuck here not moving, hungry and extremely worried than tired for almost five hours now.

My twitter feed said that C5 was ok so I decided to drive back home only to meet a heavy downpour a fraction through my travel. The horrors of last year's Habagat not only was resurrected but this time reincarnated with a vengeance.

Prior to this I read a joke posted on twitter saying that the rains were paid for by Napoles as a distraction so Pinoys have something to talk about aside from her and her business partners at the Senate and Congress.

Then it dawned on me, that 10 billion pesos could have gone a long way in terms of flood control initiatives had it went to the right hands. Then I became sad more than worried.

If you could still remember, analysts during Ondoy time, were saying that such a catastrophe only happens once every few decades but as we have seen and experienced now- that is no longer the case.

Sure you can blame it on climate change but by blaming climate change you are confronted with the ultimate question- what are you gonna do about it?

What has really changed after Ondoy? What has changed after last year's Habagat incident? Barely anything.

The Metro Manila remains to be a disorganized and unprepared urban area devoid of any solid and concrete flood prevention and control infrastructure, just waiting for the perfect storm or monsoon to happen so it can turn itself into a water world.

So unless something is drastically changed I guess it is a gruesome fact that millions of Filipino people would suffer every year. Yes, as you can see the problem is not just contained in the Metro Manila, as years go by many cities and developing municipalities across the country would become acquainted with this annual tragedy.

And no, do not thank the governor or the mayor if he wakes up early to declare that the class is suspended or that they have given away a truck of relief goods. We deserve better leaders than that.

You see people like me and you are stranded at the road because we came to work and like all law abiding citizens of this country we pay our taxes with eyes closed twice each month.

So it is both infuriating and frustrating just thinking that the hard earned money went to the pockets of the likes of Napoles and Satan's minions at the halls  Congress and Senate.

But as I sit here not knowing when the rains would stop or what time I'd be able to go home I was reminded of a facebook post I made a few weeks ago:

'Patience is not the ability to wait but the ability to keep the right attitude while waiting'

And as I ponder on that principle I entertained myself with happy thoughts and started calling people that I love and is close to my heart and my heart was filled with gratitude and joy knowing that somehow, someway I will be home today.

The sad thing is, the same cannot be said about our leaders and the tragedy that is Metro Manila at this time of the year, each year.